028 I've changed

For the past few days I've been a bit sick. My stomach has been all messed up and I'm really tired because nothing really stays inside me. Nasty, I know. I've been just spending my days in my bed because I'm tired all the time and too long time up makes me nauseous. Great excuse for being lazy, but to be honest I don't really have time for it.
Today my stomach feels a little better, though. Maybe it's because it's totally empty except for the small amount of scrambled eggs and mate I've drank, and my stomach still hurts a bit, but at least I don't feel bad. That being said, I do have flu now. My nose is running and I'm sneezing all the time. I have three layers of clothing on me to keep me warm, while I lay next to the heater.
What I noticed while talking to my two closest friends back in Finland was that even though I'm sick and I feel bad constantly, it still doesn't get to me. I'm still in good mood and I can handle it well. I can do stuff if I really want to or need to.

Now, what I really want to tell is that I have changed. The thing is, back in Finland whenever I was feeling just a little bit bad or I was sick, I allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and I came up with all the excuses why I shouldn't or couldn't do something. If I was a little tired, I would just stay at home. If I felt pain, I would complain about it to my mom to the point she'd get annoyed, and I definitely wouldn't do exercising if I felt pain. I just let the smallest things bother me and let it take away my motivation and energy and all the will to do stuff. And now that I realize it, I'm so ashamed of myself. Who knows what I could have accomplished back then if I only had not let things bring me down so easily!
A good example of my attitude towards pain is how even though this one muscle in my back has been painful to the point when I couldn't breathe properly or sit in a moving car without involuntarily wincing out of pain every now and then, I still went to every pole dance class I had, and even more. I showed middle finger to the pain and kept on doing what I love to do. Add on hand full of blisters to that, and you have my last Thursday's condition - and I still went to my class and kicked ass.
Other examples are just how I approach obstacles in life nowadays. After struggling with so many things during my exchange year and doing mistakes and realizing all the things I was doing wrong, I learned that no obstacle is impermeable. Obstacles turned into challenged and mistakes into lessons. i now know that I need to keep on moving and not let people or things or fears hold me down and keeping me from doing what I enjoy doing. Hell, I can make some problems disappear by just changing my attitude towards it.

Me giving a pep talk to myself.
In the end, it's not like I don't have any bad days and sometimes feel like the world is against me or something. The difference is, I don't stay in the ground for long. I apply this to my friends too. Sometimes they have problems, and I give them empathy, but if the same problem continued and I just keep on hearing the same things over and over, I give them some tough love and help them to at least try and figure out a way to solve the problem. It's one think to fall down and feel sad or disappointed or something else, but a whole another to stay in your misery and do nothing. If my exchange year has taught me something, it's that other people won't solve my problems. Nobody else is responsible for my own happiness but me. And that thing, that thought, it has given me control over my life. It has given me motivation to work hard on what I want because only if I keep on trying and working and learning, can I reach whatever my goals are.


I am so thankful to be an exchange student.

Em

027 #stressed

Life has been hectic since I got back from the trip. I think I've been making way too many promises, and now it's all backfiring. I'm trying my best to enjoy my last weeks in Argentina, and I don't mean to say I'm not enjoying my life to full - because trust me, I am - but I am also stressed about a lot of things. There is so many things to do! I'm going to have this big presentation about me and Finland next week, but I think it kind of blew way out of proportion. I wanted to make it so cool and awesome that I don't even know where to start because I'm not that cool or awesome. Finland is cool (literally)(no pun intended), but I'm the worst person to show that.
Then there's my Spanish classes. They are all cool and stuff, but we've already learned all the grammar there is to learn. Yet, Two days before I leave I'll conveniently have an exam. I don't need to prepare myself for the exam, but that doesn't mean I don't have hell of a lot of homework to do.
Then there's some favors I've promised to do. A video for my host dad, mostly. Also I wanted to do the South Trip and The North Trip video, and my other Argentina videos, but they take so much time that I could use to something more important and urgent so I'll just postpone editing them yet again. A little side note over here: I haven't had my phone for a while and I also have not been carrying my camera with me. I'm kind of sad that my last months in Argentina have been the most non-recorded or captured times. It sucks.
On top of the videos and exams and presentations I will have to arrange farewell parties to so many different groups. There's my class mates, my other school friends, my pole dance group (that's taken care of), my exchange friends, some people I've promised to meet once before I leave, and then of course my host families. How the hell am I supposed to have time for each and every one of them? Even if I had one party each day, it would still take me over a week to see all of them.



Or anyone else's, for that matter...
This is a pole dance related picture. For the rest of you people out there: carry on, nothing to see here.

Didn't buy Hula Balls, but I did buy another suitcase.
And then there's the souvenirs. My god, the souvenirs. Let me tell you: I'm the worst person to buy gifts for people. I just absolutely suck at it. Don't get me wrong, I love giving gifts to people. I just hate coming up with something to give, because I never know what I want to give them before I see that thing for the first time. Not only that, but I have no idea where to put the limit - to who should I bring something?
So all of you Finns out there, my relatives and friend, please, let's go with the assumption that I'm not bringing anything to you. Don't take it personally, it has nothing to do with you. Not only do I suck at giving everyone the things they deserve, but I have no ideas in my head, no money left, and the weight limits of my luggage are kinda scaring me.

So, instead, I'll bring you the new and improved Emily Hernandez with stories and lessons to tell.

(And also pictures. Lots and lots of pictures.)

PS: I've been eating like a horse since last Sunday and I can't stop the hunger. It all makes sense now!

My editing is just brilliant.

Em

026 Mixed emotions

My time to go back is slowly rapidly coming closer. My friends keep on reminding me all the time, while I try my best to not think about it. It doesn't help that "the homecoming season" has officially begun and my Facebook feed is full of pictures, posts and comments about it. I've noticed I've gotten more emotional lately. I'm pretty sure it has something (or everything) to do with my return date and the fact that it's approaching faster than I would want it to be. It's not only me but my friends seem to get slightly emotional every time they think about me leaving. You can't believe how many promises people have made to go and visit me in Finland. You also can't believe how much I hope they can keep their promises.
© Nationality Unknown
Today I had this moment of appreciation and love during my school day. I had forgot my money at home, but my good friend had given me money to buy food thankfully (really though, I was so grateful because I needed to eat really bad). I was in the buffet, looking at the crowd of students in front of me. Everyone pressed together and pushing each other. Last time I had been in the crowd, I got pushed against the counter so hard that I was slightly afraid for my ribs. My other good friend came to help. He conveniently wanted to buy something to drink, so I asked him to buy me a sandwich and gave him the money. Since he's a tall guy, he could easily make his way to the front without problems and I didn't have to be among the loud, shoving teenagers.
Later I tried to explain him and a classmate something about a video I had seen the previous class, but I was struggling to find the words even in English. I kept on searching and trying until I found a way to explain my thoughts. High fives were shared.
On our last class I had taken my shoes off to cross my legs as I wrote to my calendar slash diary. Suddenly I hear people calling my name, so I take my headphones off and turned to them. My classmates were asking me where my shoes were, but I saw from their eyes that they had done something to them. To be honest I had expected something like that. I was more surprised that no-one threw my shoes out of the window or left them outside. We eventually left the school earlier, but whenever that happens, we have to write a text to this notebook and sign it by some of the school proctors. Usually I ask other people what I should write, but I've gotten so used to it by now that this time I just wrote it without even thinking about it, when people started to leave the classroom, and went to sign it.
I walked to the center with my friends while on my way to pole dance class, and I arrived there early. I've started to spend a lot of time at the studio. I usually go there way before my class because I have nothing to do but wait before my class stats. Sometimes I even take part to the class before mine, sometimes I just make mate and share it with the other. After my class I usually stay to again drink mate and to talk. It's nothing unusual for me to even walk back to the center with my teacher. I guess she has gotten used to me by now, because today she casually told me to come to the studio on Saturday if I didn't have anything to do.
My host mom picked me up from the center later, and we kept making jokes and talking about things. When we came home, we greeted my host dad's friend who had come to visit. I stayed downstairs with my computer and started to write this post until we ate and made more jokes, laughing about stuff that have happened lately, and after we were all done I washed the dishes like I've started to do every night.

I shared this thought of mine in Twitter today. I felt like all the pieces have finally fallen into their places. I've found the right pace to live my life. I've learned to communicate with my family and just talk with them. I'm not afraid to ask for things anymore. I've found my real friends. I know how to handle things both inside and outside the school. Everything works, but even if there's anything that bothers me, I know I can solve it somehow.

To be honest, I have never felt so complete.

That's why the thought of going back home makes me want to cry every single time.
Every day I get more and more excited to finally be able to see my family and friends again. I've began to miss them more, which is weird since there's only a little time until I go back home.
Every day I'm more anxious, because I struggled so much to get where I am today, and in a month or so I have to leave.
I don't know what to think. I want to be able to see and touch every one in Finland already, but I also don't want to leave the people and things I've come to love in Argentina. When I leave Argentina, I will never get this part of my life back. Maybe pieces of it for a moment, but it will never be the same. There's things I'm looking forward on finally getting back in Finland, too, and things that are waiting to be done, to be experienced. It's tearing me apart to decide what I should feel.
I think I should just stop trying to pick side and accept that this is the most two-sided era in my life I've ever lived. It somehow helps me to think that even this is just part of an exchange year. Nobody said it would be easy. Life's not always easy. I'm just trying to make every day count!

Sorry I didn't post about my North Trip like I promised last time. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there. Hope you all have had or will have an awesome day.

Em

025 Life happens!

You know what? I think it's time for all of us to just accept the fact that I'm never going to be an active blogger, punto. I do have my fair share of excuses, but to be honest I just forgot, just like I have forgotten to send my Rotary club in Finland e-mails and updates.

I would feel really bad if I didn't have tons of pictures to show you and stuff to tell.

Em

024 Recap of the past month and a half

Hello there!

I was so proud of myself when I started to write this post, because it's been less than two weeks since my last post. I was all "Good job Emily, you have only two weeks worth of stuff to tell" but then I realized my last post was a different kind and didn't have anything to do with what had happened in my weekly life. It was about a month ago since I last told you about what I have been odoing lately. Argh! I'll never learn.

I'm gonna begin with A TRIP. Yes, another trip! It's incredible how much I've traveled in Argentina, almost more than in my whole life before I set my foot on this country. Okay, maybe half of my life. The last six years. You get the idea.

Em

023 Twenty ugly truths about (my) exchange year

I've spent a lot of time on social media, uploading pictures to Instagram, trying to be funny on twitter and post comments and thoughts on facebook. I also scroll through them, seeing and reading about the things happening with other people's lives. I've seen people in Finland put beautiful pictures of the winter. My exchange student friends are travelling and seeing so many gorgeous places and doing awesome things. Everywhere people are smiling and having a good time. Everyone's life seems perfect. I probably give the same kind of impression, too.
But then I remember all the worrisome, uneased conversations with my friends, family and fellow exchange students and remind myself there's a lot more to it.
When I made this blog my intention was to give you an honest view of what my exchange year is like. I didn't and still don't want to sugar coat things. Exchange year is something amazing, but trust me, it's also the most difficult and challenging thing I've ever had to experience. Yet, the more I think of it, I see that I've completely failed to show that side of my exchange year. Maybe it's because I tend to understate and downgrade my problems, because I don't like worrying people "for nothing". Maybe it's because I like to look for the bright side instead. Or maybe it is to blame the irregular posting, so when I finally do decide to tell what has happened, I'm too excited to tell you all the fun stuff that the less fun stuff just becomes insignificant and falls into oblivion. Whatever the case, today I want to reveal the ugly side of my exchange year.

Em

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