006 Life of an introvert
Lately I've been really - and I mean
really - lazy to do anything. When I come home from school, I tend to jump on the sofa, pick up my laptop and spend the rest of the day reading and writing and listening to music.
Now, this has been going on ever since my winter holiday. Before my holiday week started, I had a lot of stress because of the ball dance, exams and shooting the short movie in school on top the basic school stress. After those were over I had the after-party, All Time Low concert and lot of time spent with my family and friends, and all that extra social life that I'm not used to have. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love to spend time with people, but lately I've come to a conclusion that I'm kind of an introvert after all.
Now, I love adventure and excitement and sports and big dance parties, and I may not even appear to be an introvert at all because of it, but in the end, all the social happening drains a lot of energy from me. Extroverts get their energy from large group of people and parties, but I get my energy from solitude and peace. Music and novels. Movies and writing. After everything I did couple weeks ago, I feel like I'm still recovering from it. But I still do like meetings and parties, I just don't want to attend one just now!
I once saw this one video from BuzzFeedVideos about
15 things introverts want you to know, and that got me thinking. I've always somehow thought I'm an extrovert because I've always told people how I like to be really social and like to make jokes and laugh, but I just kind of didn't have that overly social life because of my shyness. During upper comprehensive school I really started to work on myself and start to get rid of that shyness and "narrow mind", when really it was my introvert side of me and the extrovert society kicking my self-esteem really hard when all the other people were so open, outgoing and had tons of friends. Still, it was important that I started to kick my butt to work on my "shy" characteristics. I became less anxious about social situations and started to get the hang of socializing with people, and my self-esteem got a huge boost every time I realized that I could express myself better and get this attention on me that I had not had earlier. I joined a lot of groups just to feel more needed, important and part of something. Even though this may sound bad, trust me, it was crucial that I did all those things. I got friends and I learned heaps from other people and myself.
But only now, after I started upper secondary school, I've learned to accept myself as I am. I realized that the idea of a perfect human being, a perfect me... I just thought that "Hey, this isn't what I want to be. It is an image that the environment around planted in my head." Sure I thrive to be a better version of me, but I don't feel the same need to make tons of friends and party every weekend and be the best of everything and be popular.
I do feel like I'm missing something "normal" to teen life, but I now know better: even though I may not be living the typical life of a (local) teen, I'm continent with my life. I don't feel the need to get incredibly drunk every other weekend like other teens do. To be honest, I've been only twice in a party in my whole life, and only the second one included any dancing to techno music. I don't feel the need to use my money to make-up and girly things (although I do have those to use when I feel like it). I don't feel the need to be this girly, always cheerful, super energetic person that is sharp with her tongue and has the greatest sense of humor that makes everyone love her. Actually, I don't even feel the oppressive need to be an excellent student anymore.
Now that I don't
have to do or be something, I can focus on what I
want to do or be. And believe me when I say that I haven't been this
me ever before. I haven't been this happy and stress-free ever. I now know what are my things in school and outside of it. Thanks to the coming exchange year, I've already grown a lot and come to appreciate so much more of the people and things in my life, and I know I would not be this happy person now without it.
Okay, I maybe got lost from the track a little bit... Sorryyyyy. What I meant to say before that overwhelming outburst of words was that nowadays as I see myself as an introvert, I understand myself and my actions better. Everything seems somehow making sense in a way. I found this another video about the
10+ signs you're secretly an introvert (because I am, most of people down realize how awkward I am inside of my head because I've learned to cover it and manage through it even though I fail at it at times). And boy, I agree with EVERYTHING that's said in the video!
"I can't talk to people until I get to know them and I can't get to know them until I talk to them DO YOU SEE MY PROBLEM" - the-biscuit-rogue
"Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while they wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, collagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions." - fourteendrawings
"You know you're an introvert when the sound of a phone vibrating causes instantaneous stress." - revelation19
There has been quite a lot of discussion about extroverts and introverts, and let me say one thing: do not label yourself. Even though throughout this whole blog post has been about how my whole extrovert life was a lie and now I'm suddenly a total introvert - do not label yourself. Just because you recognize yourself as an introvert or extrovert doesn't mean doors closing and opportunities vanishing around you. You are still the same person, you just maybe understand yourself better. Besides, not every people are strictly introverts or extroverts. In fact, most of people are ambiverts (both). You can be more closer to introvert but still have characteristics of the other end of the spectrum. And
remember, an introvert doesn't mean automatically a shy, self-centered person and an being an extrovert doesn't mean that the person is a social cheerful party animal.
I originally just planned to tell you about something that has been going on in general and introduce Argentina and the district my application has been sent to... But I think I will leave it to next time in hope I have more to tell by then! :D
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