011 Procrastinating

I've tried to write a blog post for a while now. I had this huge, long and pondering text written and almost ready to be posted, but of course I forgot to finish it - and when I did remember it again, I didn't feel like doing it. And now everything I had written is outdated already, so I had to delete it all and start again.
No but really, even if there's only a week since I wrote the text, it's all false now. So much have happened in a week. A lot of my exchange student friends have finally gone to their host countries and started their exchange years, and I'm still here waiting for my visa. I haven't bought my souvenirs yet and I most certainly have not done the presentation I was supposed to do ages ago. Wow. I'm such a procrastinator.

The truth is that I have started to get a bit restless about the lack of days left in Finland. Leaving to Argentina doesn't scare me, not that I would admit it at least, but the though of time running out here in Finland is creeping me out. The less the number is in my day counter, the faster the time seems to fly. A moment ago I counted how many work days I got. Twelve. Then I have to say goodbye to my awesome job and work mates. I will miss those overly cheerful chipmunks so much.
Then there's my friends with who I have tried to spend my time as much as possible in the limits of time and money. Yet, I still feel like I don't spend enough time with them, and the day counter is only showing smaller and smaller digits. At this point this is the thing that bothers me the most, because I'm afraid that my friendships will end for when I come back from Argentina, everyone of them has already graduated. There's some people that I don't want to lose now that I've found them finally, the people that I can be myself with. I just don't know how much has changed when I come back, and that is what scared me a bit: the fact that my whole future is seems black to me.
Now, I don't want you to get worried and think I'm depressed. No. I'm not depressed. I'm pretty much the opposite of it. The things is that I don't have the slightest clue what my life will be when I go to Argentina. In a way it's a good thing because I don't have any expectations but then again I like to plan things. (Even though my plans never work.)
It's just that before I got the news that I'm going to be and exchange student, I knew what my life would be in the future; I knew I was going to my school, have my matriculation examinations, graduate, work and that kind of stuff. I knew who I would spend time with and I knew how my room and home would look. I knew it because I have lived this life for almost 18 years but now I'm going to the other side of the world, literally, and live a life there. Even my wild imagination can't come up with any ideas of what it will be like over there.
But still I prefer it this way. Yes, I don't know how things will be when I come back, but do I really even need to know that? Do I need to know what I want to do for living already?
Do I want to know what my year abroad will be like before I have even left Finland?
The answer is no. I don't gain anything from worrying and wondering the future unknown, so why not just enjoy the time I got right now? Living the moment can be challenging for me since I like to dream big and plan grand things, but I'm trying my best to focus on this time I got here at home. I will do my best to see the friends I can see, and I will try to visit my relatives and work hard and do the things I still need to do. And when it's time to actually worry about leaving to Argentina, I'm already on the plane.

I'm sorry if this turned out to be just plain boring blog post, but I just wanted to let you know where I am in realizing that I'm becoming a real exchange student. To be honest, even though I have noticed the signs of a total meltdown, there hasn't really been a time when I would have started crying because of all this. I haven't even felt anxious that much. I haven't really given that much thought to me leaving my life here, in the end. I've just kind of forgotten about it until now.
I swear to god, I'm a procrastinator even when dealing with feelings.
I'll freak out big time really soon, I promise.

Here, take this song as an apology and a thank you for reading this post through: