026 Mixed emotions

My time to go back is slowly rapidly coming closer. My friends keep on reminding me all the time, while I try my best to not think about it. It doesn't help that "the homecoming season" has officially begun and my Facebook feed is full of pictures, posts and comments about it. I've noticed I've gotten more emotional lately. I'm pretty sure it has something (or everything) to do with my return date and the fact that it's approaching faster than I would want it to be. It's not only me but my friends seem to get slightly emotional every time they think about me leaving. You can't believe how many promises people have made to go and visit me in Finland. You also can't believe how much I hope they can keep their promises.

© Nationality Unknown

Today I had this moment of appreciation and love during my school day. I had forgot my money at home, but my good friend had given me money to buy food thankfully (really though, I was so grateful because I needed to eat really bad). I was in the buffet, looking at the crowd of students in front of me. Everyone pressed together and pushing each other. Last time I had been in the crowd, I got pushed against the counter so hard that I was slightly afraid for my ribs. My other good friend came to help. He conveniently wanted to buy something to drink, so I asked him to buy me a sandwich and gave him the money. Since he's a tall guy, he could easily make his way to the front without problems and I didn't have to be among the loud, shoving teenagers.
Later I tried to explain him and a classmate something about a video I had seen the previous class, but I was struggling to find the words even in English. I kept on searching and trying until I found a way to explain my thoughts. High fives were shared.
On our last class I had taken my shoes off to cross my legs as I wrote to my calendar slash diary. Suddenly I hear people calling my name, so I take my headphones off and turned to them. My classmates were asking me where my shoes were, but I saw from their eyes that they had done something to them. To be honest I had expected something like that. I was more surprised that no-one threw my shoes out of the window or left them outside. We eventually left the school earlier, but whenever that happens, we have to write a text to this notebook and sign it by some of the school proctors. Usually I ask other people what I should write, but I've gotten so used to it by now that this time I just wrote it without even thinking about it, when people started to leave the classroom, and went to sign it.
I walked to the center with my friends while on my way to pole dance class, and I arrived there early. I've started to spend a lot of time at the studio. I usually go there way before my class because I have nothing to do but wait before my class stats. Sometimes I even take part to the class before mine, sometimes I just make mate and share it with the other. After my class I usually stay to again drink mate and to talk. It's nothing unusual for me to even walk back to the center with my teacher. I guess she has gotten used to me by now, because today she casually told me to come to the studio on Saturday if I didn't have anything to do.
My host mom picked me up from the center later, and we kept making jokes and talking about things. When we came home, we greeted my host dad's friend who had come to visit. I stayed downstairs with my computer and started to write this post until we ate and made more jokes, laughing about stuff that have happened lately, and after we were all done I washed the dishes like I've started to do every night.

I finally found my place in my city, my school and my family. How do you expect me to leave it so soon? #exchangestudentproblems

— Emily Hernandez (@emilytheh) May 28, 2015

I shared this thought of mine in Twitter today. I felt like all the pieces have finally fallen into their places. I've found the right pace to live my life. I've learned to communicate with my family and just talk with them. I'm not afraid to ask for things anymore. I've found my real friends. I know how to handle things both inside and outside the school. Everything works, but even if there's anything that bothers me, I know I can solve it somehow.

To be honest, I have never felt so complete.

That's why the thought of going back home makes me want to cry every single time.
Every day I get more and more excited to finally be able to see my family and friends again. I've began to miss them more, which is weird since there's only a little time until I go back home.
Every day I'm more anxious, because I struggled so much to get where I am today, and in a month or so I have to leave.
I don't know what to think. I want to be able to see and touch every one in Finland already, but I also don't want to leave the people and things I've come to love in Argentina. When I leave Argentina, I will never get this part of my life back. Maybe pieces of it for a moment, but it will never be the same. There's things I'm looking forward on finally getting back in Finland, too, and things that are waiting to be done, to be experienced. It's tearing me apart to decide what I should feel.
I think I should just stop trying to pick side and accept that this is the most two-sided era in my life I've ever lived. It somehow helps me to think that even this is just part of an exchange year. Nobody said it would be easy. Life's not always easy. I'm just trying to make every day count!

Sorry I didn't post about my North Trip like I promised last time. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there. Hope you all have had or will have an awesome day.